alexander by any other name

16 days and counting

2008-09-05T03:24:00.000-07:00

I am even more anxious of leaving LA at last! there seems to be a just a few days left before I am in the sunny city of San Diego, I know I might sound like a broken player but this is something major for me and I really cannot wait. There just seems to be a few obstructions that seem to hold me back and they should be soon resolved within time. Odd thing being I have already made friends through San Diego which is awesome, being that its a completely new city to me and I am so used to a more hectic lifestyle of LA, and a more laidback beach life may seem fun for the time being.

In other related news I went to Long Beach the other day to visit my best friend, so traffic there is horrible like wow... I could not believe how bad it got, we went to eat at boiling crab and got interviewed by the LA Times, hahah. Then we searched for grocery stores for about 20 minutes til finally we came across one, we came back to her dorm ate and made fun of her nasty ass roommate :D

OH and I also got a new car! I was bumming of rides uhm for like the longest time and I was secluded at home which felt like I was back in Junior High again, and I was only using my moms car for the gym and work, but alas! I have a new car :]

I got an email from the University informing that there is an internship opportunity for me and all Econ majors this winter quarter for Washington D.C. which I am really thinking about doing, I am going to have to find a sublet for the winter quarter which I am not sure how easily that will go especially it being the winter quarter.

hello; I am a Gay Capricorn

2008-09-01T02:42:00.000-07:00

Gay Capricorn Dating:

The Social ClimberGay Capricorn Dating: The Social Climber
You’ll need a grappling hook and a strong set of tethers, as well a GQ style and an impressive résumé, if you want wrap your rope around the Goat. Ambitious, sure-footed and tightly focused on reaching the peak, Capricorn is all about success-and you’d better be, too.The most important thing to Capricorn will be that you can be used to get ahead. Name-dropping celebrities you are chummy with, bragging about a new condo, or casually mentioning your latest screenplay deal, will all stir the loins of the Goat. Take care in falsifying your credentials, however, as he’ll be sure to run a background check on you prior to your first scheduled alone time.Sugar-daddies will pleased to find that Capricorn is ready and waiting to take advantage of your bankroll and position to jumpstart his own career. Although thrifty in their own bookkeeping, Capricorns love a generous lover and particularly a successful one. If Eros pricked you while you were gazing upon the chiseled features of a muscular goat, plan to double your entertainment budget and start shopping for an interior designer.Don’t rub it in his face, though, or you’ll have one pissed-off Goat on your hands. While Capricorn craves your success, remember that he primarily wants it so he can shine himself, not merely bask in the glow of your fame.Capricorns aren’t prone to give up on a good thing, so once he’s suitably impressed with your career potential, you may have a partner for life. But beware messing up on the job; the Goat may skitter off to another mountain if you become unemployed.If your game plan usually involves a lot of BS, don’t bother trying that on Capricorn-he can smell a phony like a dung on a hilltop, and can be counted on to be direct and straightforward himself. An Earth sign, he will be fiercely protective of anyone who earns his trust, and will be utterly impervious to manipulation.

How To Attract Gay Capricorn:You’ll find Capricorn at financial planning lectures, Real Estate seminars and motivational coaching sessions. Don’t expect Capricorn to pursue fellow attendees, however; he’ll be going after the presenter. If you happen to be an expert in these matters, plan your own event and you’ll have your pick of the litter.Don’t expect a fawning groupie, however; the Goat is in it to win it, and a slighted Capricorn will not hesitate to butt you down the mountain if he feels you are a threat to him. A loyal enough companion to those who forward his cause, don’t become an obstacle or you may find horn-prints on the seat of your pants.Under that gruff exterior, Capricorn is sorely in need of affirmation and will brighten up to a genuine compliment. False flattery, however, will get you nowhere, and you won’t find Capricorn responding to a blatant pick-up. Mac-Daddies beware: the Goat does not like being hunted.

Gay Capricorn Quirks and Erogenous Zones: If your Capricorn complains of a cramp in his leg, you’ve struck gold! Goats go absolutely crazy for a leg massage, so taunt him with an extended thigh rubdown to get him properly rutting. A few tender kisses underneath the knee is guaranteed to get him kicking.Once unsprung, the Goat is a lusty and selfish lover, almost certain to desire the top position at first. Old-fashioned bucking will be the order of the day, so stock up on lube and call in sick to work tomorrow.Capricorns tend to disdain overly sexualized relationships, and absolutely abhor being taken advantage of; if your Goat gets a whiff of this, you’ll be rocked off right in the middle of your ride.

What to Expect on A Capricorn Date: Business dress casual is the norm for a first date with a Capricorn. Bring your stock portfolio and two forms of ID, tax returns for the past five years, and flowcharts demonstrating your upward mobility.For a casual date, plan a hiking adventure along steep canyons, rock climbing, or skiing. Capricorns are outdoorsy and competitive; you’ll want to keep up, but not leave him trailing. At night, bring him to a Battle of the Bands or techno music club, as he’s likely to be a great dancer and will love showing off for you.You’ll probably be paying for the adventure, but fortunately the Goat prizes miserliness as much as success, so you needn’t book an upscale restaurant for your date. Actually, you’re best off suggesting an intimate dinner by candlelight at your place, unless you happen to live in a cramped studio overlooking the train tracks.

shut up and let me go

2008-09-01T01:54:00.000-07:00

It has been a while since I have updated, and as currents events go I am still car-less I am more than sure that around this week or next I will have my new car, my mother is growing tired of lending me her car, and I am also tired of being dependent on someone else's car. Other than that congratulations to miss best friend for finally getting out of Rowland Heights and moving to Long Beach, I still have little less than a month to get away from this city. Other than that I have already picked out my new courses for the following quarter, them being: MMW 4T - Making of the Modern World, INTL 101 - Cultural & Society/ International Perspective, and ECON 2 - Market Imperfections & Policy.

Other than that my life has become pretty much boring, which does not surprise me in the least. I still need to make some last minute purchases for my new apartment and the move, and yet I am still waiting for my Mac Book Pro, this will be my attempt of ditching windows and going forth and giving in to peer pressure and become a mac-oholic.

the Olympics are in town

2008-08-08T13:52:00.000-07:00

On September 21st I'll be bidding adieu to Los Angeles, and heading down to San Diego. My roommates and I are in the process of waiting for a confirmation call regarding our proof of income, either that or confirmation of our co-signer, we put in both just in case of anything. When we went in to get our place we took our parents for a tour of the place and the model apartment and as soon as we were talking about it we saw three other girls coming in to have a tour of that same apartment so with that we agreed in about 10 seconds regarding the apartment and put down our deposit in order to reserve it. Which was pure luck since 10 minutes after their tour they came and said that they wanted that apartment, which to their disappointment the lady told them "Oh I'm sorry that condo was just sold this morning." We were so lucky to have come right on time, the only downside is that our move in date would pushed really late til the 21st of September. But it was our first choice of places and of course its a dual master and it has the most amenities of any other place in San Diego.

Also the Olympics are on today, just the opening ceremonies I presume. But I really can't wait til the real competitions start. Of course the fashion show of the Olympics is what is the most interesting part of the ceremonies.

But of course I am waiting for my favorite event, which wont be held until a bit later, but this is basically the only reason I watch the Olympics.

GO TEAM U.S.A.
GO TEAM SPAIN

resort living

2008-08-02T02:16:00.000-07:00

Well let's see today was amazing, my friend and my future roommate went all over San Diego to finish up some tasks. First of was financial aid forms and then we went to get some lunch at some Mexican restaurant which was not so great. Then we went look at our future flat's (fingers crossed). The first on our list was Regents Resort. I have to admit I fell in love as soon as I saw these flats'.

The Regents

Costa Verde

I have to admit they are both nice places but I would so much rather prefer Costa Verde. It has everything I could ever want, huge pools, an amazing gym, racket ball court, theatre rooms, cooking classes, personal trainers, spas, and a tanning salon. Oh and the apartment was also nice and it has a very modern-esk look, very contemporary which I enjoyed, which Regents gives a more cozy vibe.

Well on Wednesday we will eventually find which flat we will be moving to.

a heavy wind, turns south

2008-07-30T17:57:00.000-07:00

I have finally found all of my room-mates and on Friday I'm heading over to San Diego to check the flats we were thinking of getting. Also I need to ask some questions regarding my over all courses that I am going to be taking this fall since I have to fill three requirements the college (Eleanor Roosevelt College), the department (Economics), and the University, which seems like a lot of new requirements that have been piled up on top of me. Though as I was looking through the ERC courses I know I picked the right college I am so interested in all of these classes... to bad I am not able to take all of them.

In some more interesting news California had a 5.4 earthquake yesterday, I was still in bed sleeping since I had woken up at 8am to wait for the insurance claims adjuster to show up. So I was still in bed, I heard my windows shake, but I just thought it was the wind like always until I saw my TV move back and fourth and my bed started to shake. I got up and headed to the hallway door (I don't remember where I heard that your suppose to do that, so I did) and waited for it to be over. Then I went back to bed since I was tired.

Did I mention how excited I am about going to San Diego :]

oh sunny san diego

2008-07-23T11:58:00.000-07:00

In all of my attempts to alter how life will turn out, my alterations have lead me to the city of San Diego. I've been trying to find a roommate or find a place to live, which I never imagined could be this difficult. I have found about 8 different places which seem in my price range and really nice, emails have been sent to potential roommates and places to stay.

I really want to find a place fast, and of course a really nice place that's close to UCSD. I would not mind living in pacific beach since that sounds like the best place to live; party wise.

a glimmer of light at the end of the tunnel

2008-07-21T21:56:00.001-07:00

This really has to be the worst year of my life, it seems like nothing goes right. In this year I have been in two accidents, both not my fault. People do not know how to drive anywhere around this state; everyone is a dumbass! I am really tired of this bull shit year, things need to start getting better quick.

I am still waiting for USC to send me their letter, or at least a response through the phone. I really do hate this year, and hope it ends soon.

countdown has just begun

2008-07-16T21:33:00.001-07:00

Weeds is awesome! I have fallen in love with this show, it has only taken me 4 days but I have caught up and now I can watch it on tv on Showtime HD. In other news, there is actually no news to report my life has been boring, just going to the gym everyday; I'll be able to check my progress on the 19th.

So Annenberg and Marshall will finally send their decisions by the 18th, so meaning I'll have my answer by this week or early next week.

If you don't know about Weeds, I suggest you watch this clip for yourself and fall in love.

life for dummies

2008-07-01T01:07:00.001-07:00

So in light of recent events my blog has remained as blunder of nothing. So let's see I finished Candide, which was amazing except for the ending it seemed too much of a dismal Disney ending which was nothing of what I was expecting and i'm sure Voltaire could have done a lot better.

I started to read Freakonomics which i've only finished the first chapter but its amazing, in lieu of what i had expected. Ivana has come back to town so i've been spending a bit more time with her as i only have a limited amount of time of seeing her, we ended up going to a friends party from high school which was pretty fun for the most part.

Also i've been going to the gym non stop, my goal is 20 lbs. before i leave to san diego or los angeles [fingers crossed] on both prediciments. In other news i have been doing something that i should not be doing and i think karma has just caught up to me on the matter, i guess i can't learn my lesson since im still doing what im not suppose to be doing.

Livre № 1

2008-06-16T17:03:00.000-07:00



Author	Voltaire
Original title	Candide, ou l'Optimisme
Illustrator	Jean-Michel Moreau Le Jeune
Country	France
Language	French
Genre(s)	Conte philosophique; satire; picaresque novel; bildungsroman
Publisher	1759: Cramer, Marc-Michel Rey, Jean Nourse, Lambert, and others
Publication date	January 1759
Media type	Print

books books and more books

2008-06-14T10:38:00.000-07:00

So every summer I buy tons of book, well not really tons maybe two to five; and every summer it seems to be the same I end up just watching movies on netflix, this summer is going to be different. I still have 3 books that are past down from last summer which I only go to read the the back synopsis. I'll start reading them as soon as I finish watching my movie, watch these short films, and do anything else I need to do today.

As for this past events, finals are over, school is finished, and I went shopping with Christine yesterday. I hate setting reasonable goals to go shopping til I get to the front desk and say oops there goes my goals.

In other news; I cant wait to leave!

one last time

2008-06-08T21:00:00.000-07:00

so after countless weeks of being stranded in a desolate place known as the heights, I will be gone forever! (I know isn't exciting?) besides the fact of growing up here, meeting people that i will never forget, and some that i am currently trying to forget, making unforgettable memories, i shall bid adieu. just a few more months left for me to leave! (to where? that is something i'd like to know as well) but besides that this week was a snore, studying for exams, bleh! who does that anymore? OH exciting news, the week before i leave my best-friend and i are going to get matching tattoos; corny! well not really we're getting different ones, but we are planning to get them as soon as we leave, don't worry it'll be classy.

besides that ramble of nonsense, nothing else has been new; i know my life is a bore. im just overly excited about leaving, and explore a new setting. i just feel like opening a bottle of bourgeoisie wine, some cher champagne and celebrate, who's with me?

anyways time to go back to my nonsensical studying, oh and before i go, ill give you a sneak peack of what im planning to get as a my tattoo, it shall be decorativley placed between my shoulder bones.

a trip to Manhattan

2008-06-02T15:54:00.001-07:00

just another day in LA

2008-05-11T12:53:00.000-07:00

So this weekend was very exciting, I went to one of Ivana's friends birthday party that he held at Takami Sushi which was a really nice restaurant, with a very nice ambiance, though there service was indeed the worst I have had in a while. Then of course you cant finish off a birthday party in LA without a lounge. So we headed over to the elevate lounge which was right next to the restaurant and owned by the same company. The lounge was pretty nice, the table and bottle service were a bit too expensive since our tab at the end came out to $3,000.

The view outside the lounge was basically all of down town LA.

As for the bottle service it seemed a bit too sketchy since the bottles were locked up 'til our hostess would return and serve, as if we really could not serve ourselves our own purchased alcohol so we had to wait for her arrival every time we wanted any drinks. which kind of put a damper on everyone's. buzz.

The next morning Ivana and I woke up around 8am to get ready and head over to San Diego to visit UCSD; which by the way is a two hour drive from LA. After a long drive we found our way to the university by following the arrows on the side of the streets guiding us to our designated parking spots. We go there picked up some goody bags and started to walk around exploring some of the tents and ended up at the library.

Where we ended up taking pictures of our reflection on a wall.

Stepping on a helpless man as he tries to surf.

I on the other hand just starred at him.

Then we headed inside the library where we saw this entire stairwell that was covered in glass with the university logo engraved, as well as other notable alumni.

Then on the opposite side of the stairwell there was a really pretty view of the outside quarters of the library where it seemed like there should be a pond surrounding the place.

After exploring the ins and outs of the library we saw it was almost noon and our tour started at noon so we headed outside of the library, but before leaving we needed to take a picture of the architecture.
Our tour started and our guide was boring so we became sluts and ended up going back and forth with each tour guide. So then we went exploring ourselves and we ended up coming across:

The dormitory halls, which were named by countries.

The pseudo- business school of management.

The school of Roosevelt, Social Science and Economics.

The Mathematics and Physics building.

And thus ended our tour of San Diego, we ended up calling a old friend from high school that attends UCSD and went to lunch, talked and headed back to LA.

Upon our arrival the only thing that was on our mind was taking a nap, soon after we headed over to Santa Monica for some shopping and dinner at Gaucho. We ended our night with free ring tones, obscure voice mails, the office, and tons of alcohol.

il semble être un autre de ces jours

2008-05-07T13:44:00.000-07:00

Si hier j'ai presque passé mon jour entier dans costa mesa; avec mon et seulement. Notre jour a semblé aller presque comme planifié jusqu'à un événement inattendu quand nous sommes allés à la maison.

Ses portes de sa voiture ont été supprimées encore une fois, aucun suspect été en question encore mais nous avons nos soupçons. Il en a juste l'air devient plus dur et plus dur pour se fier aux gens, et à une autre surprise un autre ami a fait entailler ses pneus qui nous fait sembler que l'auteur semble être la même personne, mais ceux-ci sont toutes les hypothèses et sont avec optimisme en tort.

Pendant que de plus en plus de cette année va par cela semble ne pas aller ma voie du tout, avec optimisme le karma les rattrape.

more than just cooking

2008-05-04T20:05:00.001-07:00

So in the midst of my sleeping cycles, I was awoken by melissa that propositioned me to go study at starbucks. So I showered, got ready, hopped in my car and drove to starbucks where we talked for about an hour, soon after we went to the library to go study.

After about 2 hours of semi-studying we left, instead of going to lunch we decided to make our own. So we get to the grocery store pick up some stuff and essentials for our cooking feast, while we were in line, our cashier associate was obviously gay; so then we get to the front where he happens to wink at me, I blush and start to smile, and melissa finds it funny so she blurts out "why dont you just ask him for his number" referring to the associate, after I just wanted to leave, since while he was putting our things in the basket he just kept starring and smiling, it was rather awkward.

As soon as we get to melissa's flat we ended up studying just a tad more, then I started to cook the pasta, and the sauce's and everything else, cause she doesn't know how to cook.

So alas I finished the pasta and the sauce, and we ate that while watching part of a movie, while her dog kept trying to get some of the pasta and wine.

After we got bored of the movie, we tried to start doing homework and studying again which lasted for about hm. an hour and a half, and we soon got into itunes. I had to send her about 700 new songs into her album. After some more talking I decided it was time for me to go home and watch "keeping up with the kardashians."

and now I am stuck at home watching the tele trying to study. It's not going to happen might as well just relax and watch chelsea lately. I'll have plenty of time to study for my exam on monday.

where do I belong?

2008-05-03T00:24:00.000-07:00

So today was nothing more than a boring day as usual. I woke up did some studying, some homework, and basically just thought about stuff; tons of stuff. I found myself in a different type of situation than ever, as the days are slowly coming to and end to the deadline of june 1st. I began to realize more of the decisions that would be placed upon me and how I am really not sure of what is right for me to pick, and what are the real reasons that I am trying to leave such a place. I keep seeing how many things I will endure, sacrifice, and leave behind. I am now more confused than ever, and of course I am already getting ahead of myself, my back-up schools have already accepted me in, and the one I am worrying about has yet to give me answer.

In one corner lies the city of la Jolla California, where I stand 2 hours away from home, with a highly respected university that promises me insight into the world of economics, and foreign relations.

Pros
1.) Closer to home
2.) High Ranking University
3.) Friends/Family at reach
4.) Doctorate in Economics

Cons
1.) Remain dependent
2.) Studying Economics

In the other corner I have Boston, Massachusetts wherein lies a 5 hours plane ride back home, an incredibly respected and prestigious university, and the promise of mass communications in public relations concentrating in marketing, and advertising.

Pros
1.) Studying Marketing/Adv.
2.) Doctorate in Marketing
3.) High Ranking/Prestigious University
4.) Independence
5.) University Town
6.) Chance of a lifetime
7.) Explore outside of my limits, and comfort zone

Cons
1.) 5 hour plane ride home
2.) Breaking bonds
3.) Loosing the comfort of home
4.) Weather
5.) Leaving California

From these two distinct lists I still have yet to make a final decision; the thing that hurts me the most that is that I can only blame myself if my decision comes back and bites me in the ass. I have have played out both scenarios in my head, tried to realize which one will benefit me the most and which one will make "me" the happiest. I still have yet to realize where I belong.

And yet again I am still thinking too much of things, and ahead of myself since the deadline is june 1st and I am already stressing about it, well I have been stressing about this matter for the past 4 months I would say, and now the stress is heavily affecting me.

i get an A+ in sex

2008-04-28T20:48:00.000-07:00

Today was pretty much same old same old, I woke up late and drove like a maniac to class, and to my of course there were only three people in class; whilst the rest showed up ten minutes late. Today was our discussion regarding our study guide, which of course I was the only one in my group to have finished it; and now that I am a typing this I had completely forgotten I was suppose to email them something.

Now that I have completed that, my human sexuality class was what picked up my day. I get to class, and the only thing that was on my mind was my presentation regarding anorgasmia, FINALLY I had gotten it over and done with. Though I said "anal sex" instead of "heterosexual penetrational sex" in one of my slides I went back and corrected myself; so if no one picked up on my gayness, then I'm assuming they were not paying attention. Soon after the professor was passing out a handout that had our grades, to my great surprise I have a 99% in the class, ergo I have the highest grade in class; "yay!" OH and soon after the professor passed out sex toys, there was a huge black dildo that looked like something out of a fetish porno.

That was the highlight of my day, besides that just headed towards the dealership so they could fix my car, then to lunch, then to the gym, after that my day was basically boring.

oh; and if you're interested here is the smaller version of the dildo that was in my sex class.

sleep is for the weak.

2008-04-25T00:57:00.000-07:00

So the stress of school has been phenomenally overwhelming these past weeks, the decisions of choosing schools has not helped either; plus the fact that my final letters have not arrived. I am just tired of this city, this life, this frustration that I am constantly feelings, I just need to start a new.

Basically I feel more trapped as ever, a condescending drift of arrogance seems to have taken over my life. As many a friends have told me "be patient, and wait" knowing myself pretty well, patience is a virtue I lack. Though with my newly appointed major there is not much I can do but wait, and see if I will be able to stick with business administrations, finance, economics, or public relations.

Besides the point that I cannot sleep and its 1am my only turn for solitude is IFC where they are playing a full night of français cinématique including one of my all time favourite films "The Dreamers."

bonsoir.

alas, Boston seems farther than usual

2008-04-21T16:16:00.000-07:00

So nevertheless life always finds a way to screw me. Boston's letters should be out during early June, at the same time that I must give the other UC's an answer. On another part of the website it entails that those letter should be in the mail by mid-May and that was what I had originally thought; guess I was wrong.

On a lighter note, I've also been accepted to UCI, so all together now I've gotten four letters; and four to go. Oh and I donated blood, in two months I'll have my donors card and find out my blood type.

Not sure if you can tell but thats the mark that was left, basically after that went home and took a nap.
Besides that did not really do much besides go to Nodaji for a few drinks on Saturday, and that was basically the gist of my week.

Now shh... in a few hours the hills will be on; au revoir.

yet another day in paradise

2008-04-12T22:51:00.000-07:00

As this week comes to a close, theres nothing much to report besides the point that I am still waiting for those letters of acceptance, every single day I have to check at least once on BU's application status to see if any new developments have arisen; and yet it still proclaims "your application to the school of communications is complete." Oh well, i guess i must wait, til mid-May to find out.

In other news, I finally am able to connect with the world again, I got my new phone, et je l'aime! Hm. I haven't really been up to much since my classes have basically taken over my entire life. I should be studying for my Biology class, but sadly I am not.

au revoir.

let's give this another go!

2008-04-03T15:03:00.001-07:00

It has been around a year I presume since I have lost blogged; incidentally this is the part where I share what has happened before hand. To your dismay there is too much but let's try and give this another go.

It seems that the last time I made any attempt to publish anything was in July. A short re-cap on what has happened. "Previously on The daily life of Alexander"

It seems like friendships are not what they used to be, small situations are the prime leader in breaking up friendships, I lost a friend last year, and it seems like I shall be losing another one in the beginning of this year, to which one I have mixed feelings for, and the other which has hm. left my life relatively a while ago, I could care less for. There's really not much that can be said in the friend department besides you lose some you win some. And by winning I mean I still have three friends which mean the world to me while I continue to hang on to others which make good pillows at time to time.

Oh, something as a side note, I may not have traveled to Paris, but I did take a course in Elementary French which has only fueled my appetite to learn another foreign language. Ah j'aime la langue française.

So Last week in LA, while going to a friends party my phone split into two parts and was declared deceased, my cars side mirror and the driver's side of the door were also declared deceased. So you can imagine the week I have been going through, no car, no phone, my, my, my it seems like I have stumbled upon my freshmen year of high school; how primitive.

To try and enhance this posts I'll try and add some "good news"
in pursuit of higher education, I have been accepted to UCR, UCSB, and more currently UCSD.
Letters that I am still awaiting are from UCI, UCLA, USC, and BU.

wish me luck!

the city, and no sex

2007-07-21T19:08:00.001-07:00

mood: new yorker columnist
music: "art bitch" -- CSS

emotional stress, sure this sounds irritably enough like what any person goes through; though when it clutches you from the the throat and wont let you go what else can you do but to bite down and let it happen. There are no clear feelings that we have in our life, they might seem oddly enticing to our own foolish desires. But as soon as one of those irregular feelings comes and bites you on the ass then what? Where do were do we really see ourself, and yes how would we be without those people that will not let us live without them being there, is our first love ever really gone? This morning I found myself looking and looking for an answer to that very question, with the smell of repetition all over me. As I would solemnly glance towards my phone, and wondered what if? Rejection, frustration, no answer, there really was no point in asking since the answer i would regrettably receive was not one that I would want. How long would I wait to make that one phone call, that last attempt that I thought I had already made, why is it that every relationship that I have had after that one has turned into shit? Even the ones that have some potential I shun them, because I keep looking into the past, I guess I just love to ruin my own life. So therein I foolishly made the mistake of picking up my phone and doing just that, I picked up I dial and awaited... not having the courage to seek an answer I had left it there ringing, ringing, just as he had done before "accidentally," no response as expected, i humoured my own woe and left it as it was. Maybe for now I will just leave it as is, there is nothing more than I will be able to do in my current state of emotions, and in reality why it is that human behaviour presents us with partners we do not appreciate nor desire until they are gone?

life is a calamity

2007-05-26T13:23:00.001-07:00

mood: angry, excited, happy, drifted

music: "Calender Girl" - Stars

If I am lost for a day; try and find me

But if I don't come back, then I won't look behind me

All of the things that I thought were so easy

Just got harder and harder each day

December is the darkest and June is the light but this empty bedroom won't make anything right

While out on the landing a friend I forgot to send home

Who waits up for me all through the night

Calendar girl whos in love with the world Stay alive

Calendar Girl whos in love with the world Stay alive

I dreamed I was dying; as I so often do

And when I awoke I was sure it was true

I ran to the window; threw my head to the sky

And said whoever is up there,please don't let me die

But I can't live forever,I can't always breath

One day I'll be sand on a beach by a sea

The pages keep turning, I'll mark off each day with a cross

And I'll laugh about all that we've lost

Calendar Girl who is lost to the world

Stay Alive

Calendar Girl who is lost to the world Stay Alive

January,February,March,April,May I'm alive

June,July,August,September,October I'm alive

November,December,yah all through the winter, I'm alive

I'm alive

2007-04-14T15:52:00.000-07:00

mood: epihinated

music: "Le Disko" - Shiny Toy Guns

At last I have had the great epiphany during the conversation with Ivana yesterday. I just realized the extent of my mistakes and in some ways how to correct them, and vise-versa. Just as how I am causing harm to myself and others through this unneeded journey that I am taking. I need to stop pushing myself towards a path that is not meant for me, and the person that I am pushing along with me. I am not mature enough to invest that much time into something that will end up going nowhere, I need to put that energy into something more useful, and with that just have fun with my life as well experience what life has to offer me. Plus I have seen the extent of the immaturity of how people can be and in all aspects of my life that is the last thing that I need.

One thing that I need to work on is the virtue of patience that lingers within me that has yet to come out, that one virtue has stopped me from actually seeing the clarity in life as well as the clarity in people.

I need to stop my self loathing, and let things go and be happy.

My tunnel has finally been given some light.

Hickeys+Burberry = Brooks Brothers

2007-03-23T16:22:00.000-07:00

mood: fashion expert
music: "In the Waiting Line "- Zero 7
during this month the well known fashion designer Thom Browne, has reinvented the classical style of Brooks Brothers. inspired by England's well known brand of Burberry , and Hickeys; the cheeck new fashion that was introduced on march 20th in madison avenue seems to have some promise to the new look.

the new trends include classical aaudrey hepburn look, with slim fitting clothing that seem to have a uni-sexual pattern as the mens clothing line became skinnier while the womens became a bit looser on the sides, not to impose that this was a risky idea though im sure that the womens line should have become slimmer fitting such that as the mens.

seemingly so the the trench jackets are coming back with high water knickers that with a seemingly male business men look in the womens line.

my favorite design would have to be the hickeys inspired clothing, which gives it a more trendy school uniform attire. which surpasses any expectations that i would have imagined coming out of brooks brothers designs.

repent or perish? i assume i shall perish with the rest of them

2007-03-19T17:43:00.000-07:00

mood: conformed
music: "Face Down" - The Red Jump Suite Apparatus
hm. another day another ignorant person crosses my path. today on campus ... i can not even begin to explain what i witnessed, a complete and total moron was expressing his freedom of assembly/speech to demonstrate how basically the entire world is going to hell, unless you believe what he does. hmm. what is our world coming to?
this was his banner that he was parading around.

on an even sorrier note, hm. i suck at life :D !
i cant get what i want, when i get close to it i eventually push it away.
i do wonder what is wrong with me at times...
am i allowed to be happy or do i just have to remain patient?
oh well only time will tell, even though i do have someone in mind, just eh. i do not know, seems like life can never give me a straight answer, nor can i pick a path myself either.
~ art thou my Athanasia?

ATHANASIA

by: Oscar Wilde

O that gaunt House of Art which lacks for naught
Of all the great things men have saved from Time,
The withered body of a girl was brought
Dead ere the world's glad youth had touched its prime,
And seen by lonely Arabs lying hid
In the dim womb of some black pyramid.

But when they had unloosed the linen band
Which swathed the Egyptian's body,--lo! was found
Closed in the wasted hollow of her hand
A little seed, which sown in English ground
Did wondrous snow of starry blossoms bear
And spread rich odours through our spring-tide air.

With such strange arts this flower did allure
That all forgotten was the asphodel,
And the brown bee, the lily's paramour,
Forsook the cup where he was wont to dwell,
For not a thing of earth it seemed to be,
But stolen from some heavenly Arcady.

In vain the sad narcissus, wan and white
At its own beauty, hung across the stream,
The purple dragon-fly had no delight
With its gold dust to make his wings a-gleam,
Ah! no delight the jasmine-bloom to kiss,
Or brush the rain-pearls from the eucharis.

For love of it the passionate nightingale
Forgot the hills of Thrace, the cruel king,
And the pale dove no longer cared to sail
Through the wet woods at time of blossoming,
But round this flower of Egypt sought to float,
With silvered wing and amethystine throat.

While the hot sun blazed in his tower of blue
A cooling wind crept from the land of snows,
And the warm south with tender tears of dew
Drenched its white leaves when Hesperos up-rose
Amid those sea-green meadows of the sky
On which the scarlet bars of sunset lie.

But when o'er wastes of lily-haunted field
The tired birds had stayed their amorous tune,
And broad and glittering like an argent shield
High in the sapphire heavens hung the moon,
Did no strange dream or evil memory make
Each tremulous petal of its blossoms shake?

Ah no! to this bright flower a thousand years
Seemed but the lingering of a summer's day,
It never knew the tide of cankering fears
Which turn a boy's gold hair to withered grey,
The dread desire of death it never knew,
Or how all folk that they were born must rue.

For we to death with pipe and dancing go,
Now would we pass the ivory gate again,
As some sad river wearied of its flow
Through the dull plains, the haunts of common men,
Leaps lover-like into the terrible sea!
And counts it gain to die so gloriously.

We mar our lordly strength in barren strife
With the world's legions led by clamorous care,
It never feels decay but gathers life
From the pure sunlight and the supreme air,
We live beneath Time's wasting sovereignty,
It is the child of all eternity.

invigorate my soul with passion

2007-03-15T23:40:00.000-07:00

mood: joyful
music: "Your Ex-Lover is Dead" - Stars
the more I begin to think about it, and want it, the more I know that reality will ever hinder upon my doorsteps. It slips away from me every so slightly as the dew across my face lingers ever so near my eyes. I truly do wonder if what I have with you already is enough, or do I need or want more. As I begin to quarrel over my thoughts and find that it may never be, I do regret the actions that I have taken from stopping such a journey. I here wait for the answers to dwell upon me as they have dwelled upon so many others, as I begin to ravage my soul for answers I find that ... I should just let it be and wait, wait, wait, 'til sorrow comes and finds me.

then again i might truly never find what i am looking for
so swallow me
and never spit me out.

stress for all. hurray!

2007-03-09T17:30:00.000-08:00

mood: enervated
music: "I'm So Excited" - Le Tigre
This entire week has been extremely stressful, school has been piling up (exams, presentations, homework, meets) i am about to pull a trigger. I am now seeing the repercussions of taking on 22 units. Exams included Accounting, Cultural Anthropology, Business Law, and Statistics; they were all spread out evenly with the misconception of having an exam in Business Law... it was canceled. Dad came back from his business trip, had to cancel plans with friends, and a possible ahem ahem. Went to dinner at Cafe' Pinot; wherein i received a phone call which proposed for some sex lol. That being said today I had a meet in Orange County. Photos included below.
oh. and new goggles :D "thanks to Camilla"

a day at the cinema

2007-02-25T11:50:00.000-08:00

mood: apathetic.
music: "the rollercoaseter ride" -- belle and sebastian

Yesterday was a fun filled day that included lounging around for about 4 hours doing lets see nothing besides watching movies. Interestingly enough "Running with Scissors" was very good, besides the shit art, that seems to communicate with God. Other than that the day continued with eating at CheeseCake Factory with the misses. Though before that we did enjoy watching "Music and Lyrics," which to my expectations was an ok film, even though I did not expect much. After that wilson had called christine; as there usual banter persisted we ended up at Starbuck's. Where we fancied a vulgar yet comical conversation about gay sex. That being said the night was officially over, til i realized that I had forgotten my wallet, and my cake in christine's car. Then this night could not have been over til i had watched one more film which was a complete disappointment; "The Mostly Un-fabulous Social Life of Ethan Green." After that, I took a shower, then hopped into bed, began my REM sleep, which was soon interrupted at about 2am, by a phone call that was unexpected and unwanted. That went well, sleep came soon after.